sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
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Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
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I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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