Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
