nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
