Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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