they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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