margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
