I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
