If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
