if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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