i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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