why im i the only drunk person in the library?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
