well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
