Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
