moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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