Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
