We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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