Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
