like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
pray to the hookup gods
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
