Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
