apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
