Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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