Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
