And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he fucked my hip out of place.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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