My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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