blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
