My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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