please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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