the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize