we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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