Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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