...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
