connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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