I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
