Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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