You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
