So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
