I got chris browned last night
she woke up with a sticky ear
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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