If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
