Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I want to have your abortion
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
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shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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