i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Drake has all the answers
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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