it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
