Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
