remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
