dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
