Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
