dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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