please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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