if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
