p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
