There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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