Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
