I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
