he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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