I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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