I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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