Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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