I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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