I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
