my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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