Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
