She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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