Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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