somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
