I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
where does the pee come out of this thing
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
