He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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