he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
