R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
