Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
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