"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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