The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
