Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He felt like a one man threesome
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
