dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
