I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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