the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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