Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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