did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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