Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
