i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
