I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's rum buckets o'clock
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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