I feel like abortions should bother me more
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
