recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
being pregnant is like rehab
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
